I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
