Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
