i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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