My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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