Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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