Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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