he thought i was a dude.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
