I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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