end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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