So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
