Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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