Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
