This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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