There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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