I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
