Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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