if you like me you must not know who I am
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
