i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
