You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
