I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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