Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
