I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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