Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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