You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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