it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
