butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
