do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
