Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
