Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
