what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
