Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
