Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
