Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
