a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
