Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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