we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
