I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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