rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
