You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize