He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
