oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
