I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
