yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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