I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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