In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
