i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
