can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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