Soap is not a condiment
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
do herpes really smell.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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