when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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