i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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