my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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