is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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