my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
