I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
