i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
