hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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