I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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