there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
