Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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