She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
