Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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